why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize