I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
