and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
