if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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