I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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