u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
