Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
