he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
