Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
