Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
