oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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