At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
