she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
