what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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