never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize