I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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