Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
