actually, I'm a sock model
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
