i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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