OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize