now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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