Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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