tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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