SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
