He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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