I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I love you. Go after that dick
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