pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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