you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize