I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
