I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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