I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
