I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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