using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
