no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
