hotel room ftw
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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