I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize