You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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