What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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