Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
