Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
