Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
