with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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