Your dad touched me again.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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