My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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