will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
