everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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