It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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