I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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