she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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