i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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