so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
