I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize