We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
