I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
