If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
