Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
