please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
