Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
