life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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