I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
