so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
