i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize