Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
