Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
P.S. I can't hear my feet
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
