My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
